Every time in a while we imagine that it will be neat to be a rockstar. Money, fame, all day long champagne, model girlfriends, right?
Well, the true story isn’t just that, party all the time. Behind this it’s a lot of work.
Let’s say you have a band. Your name is something gore and kinky, and you rock the stahe in some suburbs clubs. But you want more. More than just the same 20 friends or the same drunk acquaintances. You want more, you DESERVE MORE! Then, what to do to become successful? Read these 5 simple rules.
1) Always party like a rockstar.
Even when you’re broke, borrow some money from your mom and dad, buy dope and snort it with random hoes. Rent a limo to drive you and your band around crowded places. Let them all know you party in big style. Some top band manager will notice you and you’ll get the phone call you’ll be waiting for all the time. THE CALL.
You will be invited to play at another’s band opening. On a huge stage, with over 4000-5000 people. Play like you never did, trash some drums, jump into the crowd. That’s how you’ll get noticed ASAP.
2) Get a small dog.
Any rockstar must have a tiny dog. The smallest, the better. Chihuahua it’s just fine. Stick to that one. Dress the dog like a KISS member daily. Nobody will dislike that little pooch. As in the park hookup, the dog attracts chicks.
3) Know your limits.
After a while of hard drinking and snorting crack, you health isn’t top notch as it used to be. It’s the time to chill down a while. Drink moderate, don’t use any drugs. Better yet, go to a talk show and say that drugs are bad, and you find Jesus. People love these kind of heartbreaking stories.
4) You must start another business.
Don’t trow all you money away. Put some into the bank and some use to start a business. A Tattoo shop, a surfing board company, a guitar strings manufacturer, anything at all. Your new started business will grow thanks to your name and notoriety.
5) Allways marry a pornstar!
Yes, that’s right. Mary a pornstar, that’s a must. Follow another great artists, like Evan Seinfeld and Wayne Static. They both marry pornstars named Tera. It’s the new trend. You must do it also, otherwise you’ll be blamed by everybody, and you’ll end up poor, living in a trailer home.